Limerence and Sexual Healing

is limerence a sign of sexual healing ?

for some background context, i haven't had sex since i birthed my son in may 2023. birth was traumatic, i had a lot of scar tissue, and everything felt hard and tight and uncomfortable down there for a long time afterwards. i was also in a very unsafe relationship and was breastfeeding. so basically my sexual body pretty much completely shut down

since i left my ex, almost a year ago, i've done a lot of work to reconnect with and explore my own pleasure. when i first started, mostly i would end up in tears or i'd just give up because i was too in my head and couldn't let myself relax and feel into it, and i always ended up disappointed. but over time, i've begun to get a lot more comfortable and have started enjoying it again. i've even begun thinking that i might be ready to share this experience with someone again.

and now, enter the guy. i've honestly had so little interaction with him that probably any other time in my life he would've been completely inconsequential, but for some reason, right now, my brain has become absolutely obsessed with him. i think about him all the time, and tbh, a lot of it is sexual. like, not any sort of wild fantasies or anything, but just the desire for close physical connection and intimacy. to share my pleasure with someone else for once, to feel my skin again his, the two of us moving as one.

and i can't help but wonder, is this coincidence or synchronicity ? i haven't felt a shred of desire for anyone in almost three years, and suddenly this guy shows up and i can't stop fantasising about him, just as i'm finally beginning to feel ready to share myself sexually again ?

or is it something deeper in me that i need to explore on my own ? am i still looking to outsource my self love and sensuality ?

or is this a relational wound that can only be healed by building that trust and intimacy with another person ?

could it just be a lesson in rejection ? like, i don't even know if he's down for it. i think he would be if i pursued it, but there's a fear i need to get past to even get to the answer of that question.

i don't know what i'm going to learn out of this. but this is the prominent experience in my current life, and i wonder if it's because i'm supposed to follow it and learn a lesson, or if that's just some wild excuse my brain's come up with to justify these obsessive thoughts, and i need to focus on myself instead.

i guess there is no "right" choice or something that is "meant to be". all i can do is look at this situation with the information that i have, and make a choice, then deal with the consequences and take my lessons.

i know i don't want an actual relationship with him, so honestly just having these thoughts and not attaching to them as if it's my life mission to be with him forever is a win for me. but my brain is screaming at me to ask him if he wants to meet up over new years, and i do wonder if i've taken my exploration of my sexual body far enough on my own, and experiencing it with him is the next level in this healing. to have fun and mess around, build intimacy and trust with another person when that's something i haven't done in a very long time. that might be nice.