Limerence as a Neurodivergent 30 Year Old

so i've been having these limerence, obsessive thoughts about this guy i've recently met, and it's a thing i've experienced my whole life, but only learnt about during my last relationship. which means i've never been single to observe this pattern and be aware of what it actually is

because all of my serious adult relationships have started out this way, they've always ended up being not that good. it starts because i've picked up on some vibes (whether they were real or not), and then my brain's just taken it away like, i'm obsessed with this person now and i will pick apart every interaction and it is my absolute mission to be close to them now (which sounds kind of way creepier than it feels when i put it like that 😅)

but with this guy, it's different because i'm aware of the fact that these thoughts are obsessive and irrational. so i'm just observing them instead of fully attaching to them and their outcome

but I did have him over for dinner last night anyway, and it honestly was a nice time, but at the same time i could tell from talking to him, we have very different values and lifestyles and would not be a good fit together. not that i'm actually looking for ANY relationship right now, but it's nice to realise i actually have a choice (which doesn't seem like it should be a groundbreaking revelation, but bear in mind i was 23 at the start of my last relationship and we were together for over 6 years)

bc i never really did the whole dating thing. i got into relationships with people i already knew. people i had existing relationships with, until the limerence took over and made me think i wanted to pursue something deeper.

so i never really learnt the whole discernment thing. that i get to judge and evaluate the compatibility of me and this other person. it was purely, i'm obsessed with this person, i'm pursuing this person, i've got this person, and then why am i so unhappy in this relationship

so now that i'm 30 and single and aware of so much more about myself and my patterns and my values, i get to just observe the limerence for what it is, follow it or not, and then decide if this person is actually compatible and right for me. and i get the final say, the limerence doesn't